some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
