How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
