We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
