she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
