No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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