I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
