I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
