I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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