If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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