girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
