he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
