and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
home. puking in laundry basket.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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