the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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