My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
