Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
