final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
