I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
