i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
