Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
