the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
