I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
