Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
That's intense
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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