Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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