just come out here and I will go home with you...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
