Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
