everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
