the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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