Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
