Where are you?
In a non slutty way
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
