I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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