Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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