If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
