if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
