Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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