watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
