Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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