I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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