My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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