I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
