The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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