after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
