you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
