In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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