Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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