So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
