I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
