Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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