i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
