i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
