i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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