I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
